The (dis)comfort Zone

I’ve always thought that life is supposed to feel good. I’ve never bought into the idea that we are on this earth to suffer. Joy and happiness are our birth-right. I think we have to live our best life, right now, every day. I don’t know what comes next -reincarnation, the Pearly Gates, a big whoosh back into pure, positive energy-but I see no reason not to live a great life now. And if there is a Grand Designer, well, I don’t believe for a minute that she said, “Yup, gonna make my peeps really suffer, and the ones who suffer the most and best, I am gonna reward them with pie in the sky, baby.  And the rest, well, let them have their cake now, cause later, there is gonna be BBQ!“ Um, I don’t think so.

Divine influence aside, I believe that our thoughts create our reality, or at least shape it. So I can choose to find the good in things, I can choose to think a thought that feels better, I can actively search for the best in the people and situations that surround me. And whether I am creating my reality or not, it doesn’t matter. Because when I am looking for the good in my life, I am more likely to see it.

So I was thinking: If the whole point of our life in this time-space-reality is the expansion of the Universe, and if the way to expand the universe is to actively look for and choose what makes us happy and what makes us feel better, then why is life so much more interesting in the (dis)comfort zone?

While I was away traveling this summer and I was unsure, and scared, and lonely, I learned so much. It was daunting and exciting and exhilarating and life-giving. I was expanding every day. My brain synapses were snapping a mile a minute. Far from home, surrounded by people who did not speak English, I not only found the Tracy-who-was, but I discovered the Tracy-who-is-becoming. What a rush!

Now I’m home, in my big airy house with the air conditioning and the bright windows, where I know the lay of the land, and I feel safe and comfortable. And indeed, I AM safe and comfortable, but there’s not so much going on. I’m distracted by my lover and my big screen tv and juicy conversations with friends and take-out butter chicken. It’s relaxing, and peaceful and easier, but is it better?

I’ll take some of each please. Give me a little sumptin’ sumptin’ going on, with a side of dinner and a movie. Let there be some challenges that stimulate new solutions. If I feel sad or angry or depressed or bored, let me be inspired into action. And then I can have a massage to soothe my aching muscles. The feeling of satisfaction that comes from fixing a problem, well, you don’t get that on the couch while eating bonbons. Not that chocolate and a good bottle of red doesn’t produce a satisfaction all its own.

I used to think that if I wanted a ‘good’ life, I had to be good- follow the rules, get along with everyone, do the right thing, and don’t cause any trouble. And in fact, I think you can live a perfectly good life exactly like that.

But maybe my definition of ‘good’ has changed. And so has my definition of ‘life’.