Unfolding

Recently the word ‘unfolding came into my consciousness, and I remembered the unfolding exercise we did at the Findhorn Community during Experience Week.

I wasn’t even supposed to be at Experience Week; I  had signed up for sacred dance training. But when the training was cancelled, my plane ticket was already booked, and so I went.

It was one of those blow-your-mind weeks- intense, sacred, the kind that challenges you right where you live and sends you home a different person.

And one of the reasons was the unfolding exercise. I think it might have been the first full day. Our facilitators led us to the ballroom, a beautiful room full of windows and light, and explained that each of us would have a turn ‘unfolding’ someone else. Basically, we would each curl up on the floor in the fetal position, and our partner would gently unfold our arms and legs, and straighten our bodies until we were lying straight and open on the floor.

Yipes! A stranger touching you – arms, legs, feet, hips or shoulders maybe, ai carumba! I felt vulnerable to the core of my being. Exposed. I knew that if anyone was going to unfold me, it was going to be Martin, a handsome British man about my age. I glanced over and him and found him looking at me- we made a beeline for each other.

The room was quiet as each pair took turns gently unfolding their partner, inviting them to open, allow, be. We began slowly with some nervous giggles, mostly because we didn’t want to be the person who said no- after all, we came to Experience Week for the experience. At first it was appallingly intimate, but something incredible happened as we moved through the exercise, quietly rearranging our partner’s limbs.

We fell into sacred space. We quit worrying about being watched or judged, and allowed ourselves to be in the moment. We offered and accepted sacred touch. The folded allowed themselves to be touched, and the Unfolders accepted the gift of trust, and focused completed on gently and sweetly unfolding our chosen. We let go of self-consciousness about our bodies and our worthiness. We opened. We expanded. And when the exercise was complete, we were no longer a room full of strangers, we were intimately connected souls journeying together. Such power that came from allowing ourselves to let go, to be vulnerable with each other, such power indeed.

Surrender is NOT a Dirty Word

I’ve been in a lot of circles where we’ve chosen angel cards. Everybody cheers when someone draws ‘play’ or ‘celebration’ and the group moans in harmony when someone chooses ‘responsibility’ or ‘surrender’.

But you know what; surrender is NOT a dirty word. Surrender is about allowing yourself to be you. It’s about letting go and being who you really are, in all your precious vulnerabilities and incredible fabulousness. Because you are fabulous, you know.

I’m approaching 50- I like to think of it as beginning the second half of my life- and

And yet, I couldn’t have done it any other way. I know that I did my best, always, with the information I had at the time. And I wouldn’t give any of it up- not even for perkier breasts. It’s  not really about regret, more a gentle sense of sadness that it took me so long to figure it out…well, I haven’t actually figured it out yet, but at least I know that I haven’t- progress, right?

I’m still not allowing myself the fullness of Who I Am. Which is ridiculous. Every time I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, I’ve received way more than I ever thought possible. Why is it so hard to put it out there, or rather, to drop the walls and just be? I think it’s that fear of the unknown, that first step into the darkness.

But oh, is it powerful when you leap. When you connect to your breath and speak your truth, not knowing how it will be accepted. Because it doesn’t matter. Because you’ve already accepted  yourself.