Half-Baked

Here’s what I know today:

It’s time to go home. I sat with my loneliness for a few days and after the gut-wrenching drama of it all passed, I realized that I am ready to take what I’ve learned in these last 4 weeks and integrate it into my daily life. 

I’m not done ‘Finding Tracy’. As long as I am inhabiting this body and this time-space reality, I’m never going to be done. There will be more ‘dark nights of the soul’ but I won’t be afraid to move through them-okay maybe I will, but dammit I’ll have the courage to do it anyway because I’ll know I will come back out into the light. And there will be more joy because I’m going to be looking for it, working towards it, allowing it.  

Posting this blog and actually inviting people to read it was terrifying and wonderful. I don’t like being vulnerable, but it’s true what they say, about there being strength in vulnerability. By committing to the blog, I was committing to myself- to opening to the truth. If people were going to be reading this, I had better stand behind everything I wrote. And I needed a lesson in standing up and Being Tracy.

 What I received from peoples’ response was richness beyond imagining. Miracles, even. An abundance of love. If I were to paint a picture it would be big bright circles spiraling across and off the page. I have this insane urge to buy a bucked of sidewalk chalk and decorate my driveway.

So I am going home to reconnect with my circles, to grow them, to make new connections, to continue a daily practice of Being Tracy, finding myself one day at a time.